As you may have noticed, noble readership, this blog has been a bit empty as of late. For a MEDLEY of reasons. Okay maybe, just a few. Okay, a couple. Okay, mostly two. They require a bit of explanation, so let’s get this show on the road!
1) I have been less suicidal! Cue trumpets!
Can’t stay depressed for too long whist trumpets and silly hats exist.
I’m feeling slightly less ashamed about my failure to function well in society and have been seeing friends more. I’ve started Many Hats Comedy which involves me and my friends writing many things down (and soon filming several things) that amuse us and hopefully other people. And I’ve been looking at going back to school for screenwriting.
2) Things have been more confusing!
My feelings have been all over the place, so I haven’t been too sure on how to express them in blog form. I mean, I’m feeling okay, one minute, and depressed the next. One minute I’m fantasizing about engagement rings, the next, I’ve sure I’m going die alone. I’m laughing, then I’m crying, and I forget absolutely everything. My brain has not been in my head, and my head has not been on my shoulders. Much like the pig pictured below.
Now you too may feel more confused and disenchanted by this world.
Even if we take into account the bewilderment caused by the above, I’ve been super confused about my bi-polar feelings and thus how to express them. I do know, however, I often feel like I want to kill myself, but I can’t. Right now, that reason “I can’t” mostly hinges on my family, friends and boyfriend. Which, is good, because, hey I’m not dead! But not super great because I still kinda want to die. So here’s my latest selfish reason not to die, drum role please….
Note: Not real summer camp; real super camp would help nothing.
It’s National Novel Writing Month Summer Camp! I’m at a couple thousand words (very behind, need to be at eight or ten thousand) and writing a story called Suicidal Superheros, the star of which is invincible and tries (and fails), in comical ways to kill herself. Her concerned parents force her into a group for at risk super powered teens where they fight crime, talk about their feelings and pick up trash. I’ve just started and don’t really have a plot, but it makes me kinda happy to write. Not like my other writings which are mostly about rape and death (in a serious way). It’s freeing; I really want to finish it. If I do, I’ll feel like less of a failure. There may be doctors, lawyers, NYU students, Duke Students, Robotics engineers and organic chemistry professors in my family, but no novelists!
Okay, it’s not much, but it’s a start. I’d recommend joining the website; it makes me mostly happy! Goo luck writing everyone!